Communication Part 2: Family

http://ericabuteau.com/2015/06/02/defining-family/

This is the second part of the communication post I did 2 weeks ago. This was supposed to be last week's but I accidentally jumped a bit. Of course this post is going to be purely from my view as a girl. I'm sure there are women out there who are great communicators, and I'm sure there are guys out there who have very different views and communication styles.

Let's jump in!

I want to talk about communication in the family. We talked about how females communicate in all types of relationships, I think I talked a bit about the family relationship. How do we communicate with our families? Personally, I communicate, and thus get along with, my dad and brothers the best. We are easily able to say what we want to say without losing the other party somewhere in translation. The intent gets across, the emotions get across, it's a smooth transaction if you will.

My mom and I, on the other hand, have a more difficult time communicating with one another. We're constantly bickering or arguing over something the other said. I couldn't tell you why this is. Something happens between one of us speaking and the other interpreting. I will admit that I'm quick to jump to conclusions before my mom has finished her sentence. I'm quick to get all defensive, even if what she's saying isn't anything to be defensive over. It's a habit I've developed that I'm trying to break. With that being said, my mom does the same thing to me. It's not that we can't get along, we just have different styles of communication.

So how does family communication work?

I'm no expert, so I can't really say. I think the key, and this goes for every situation, is to listen fully to what the other person is saying. Of course this is easier said than done, but I really think we could all benefit from slowing down a bit and actually listening before formulating opinions, ideas, or feelings on the matter. Sometimes, a person's personality may not allow them to do this, but I think if we try to actively listen to the best of our abilities, communication could be smoother.

Again, that doesn't mean that every family has communication issues. In fact, many of my friends have families who communicate often and very well (sometimes too well from their perspectives!).

I also think it could be beneficial to not get defensive straight away. This is also easier said than done. Like I mentioned before, I'm not good at doing this. I'm always anticipating that she's going to criticize me, put me down, or offer suggestions that were unasked for. This results in me jumping to conclusions, saying something that aligns with those conclusions sparking an unnecessary debate.

Another issue that my mom and I face is the way we phrase things to each other. Now, I don't say things any differently to my mom than I do to anyone else in my life. Maybe that's the root of the issue. Maybe I need to be phrasing things in a way that is clearer for her. I don't know.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I think a lot of tensions or miscommunication could be avoided if we:

1. Slow down our thought process- actually listen to the other person before reacting
2. Don't jump to conclusions- think about what they're saying before drawing conclusions
3. Phrasing things in ways that the person you're speaking with will understand- we should consider how the person we're speaking with synthesizes information. What are trigger words? Phrases? What kind of phrasing do they best interpret? Not everyone communicates in the same way.

Let me know what you think! I know the last bullet might be a bit unclear, but I hope I got the point across. Are there any topics for these Thursday posts you want me to cover?

Au revoir! À demain,
Rachel